Having only two long-sleeve shirts, one good pair of closed-toe shoes, and a day off, I was forced to venture to the mall today. I loathe the mall. Loathe it. Say it with me - long, deep 'O'. Looooooooathe the mall. But, it seems some interesting things are going on there, and a lot has changed since the last time I popped in.

1) Shoe buying is not what it used to be. Gone are the days of prompt attention, knowledgeable staff, and the salesperson prepping the shoe to be worn. After twenty minutes of waiting to be helped, I was left to lace and de-paper/cardboard three different pair of shoes before I could try them on. On a comfortingly familiar note, though, you still can't eat the silica gel packets.

2) If I had more money and no will-power, I would clean out Williams-Sonoma.

3) There is no plausible and sane reason for a 15-minute teeth whitening kiosk inside the mall. The 15-minute Asian massages were creepy enough.

4) Either a lot of stores have gone really young with their clothing, or I'm prematurely old and crotchety. Maybe some combination of the two.

5) If you're trying to calm a rambunctious 10-month old and wrangle three separate bags and a stroller, the cell phone kiosk salespeople will still bother you. Nevermind that you've just hung up from a call on your cell phone - the one that's obviously activated and suiting you just fine.

6) When trying to back yourself and a stroller through the door at Dillards, you can, in fact, get your pants stuck. You can also get the stroller (child attached) wedged between the door, yourself (stuck to the door by your pants), and the door frame.

Did I mention that I loathe the mall?